I don’t do Xmas. This year, however, I wanted a present. It wasn’t a big present. It wouldn’t cost anything (except maybe a bucket of pride which I have to say used to belong to me anyway!).
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It was just a letter. An open letter from my EX admitting the physical and emotional abuse he subjected me to through our whole marriage. The vow “to love, honour and protect” was the biggest scam I have been put through.
I would also like to know that he has told his new family why his first wife left just as his old family knows. Perhaps a conversation over lunch…..”Hey! look at this beautiful spread. The turkey smells beautiful and ham with crackling. Who would have thought? By the way my first wife left me because I told her I was going to kill her. Cheers”
All he has had to say on the subject is “Oh some things happened but it wasn’t that bad”
Turns out there are quite a number of people who think that’s a great explanation. Sitting around having a beer together they must say things like “He punched and kicked her but it wasn’t that bad” or “He pushed her to the ground, pinned her down and choked her but it wasn’t that bad” or “He verbally abused her and humiliated her in public but it wasn’t that bad”.
Do you think they would say “He finally killed her but it wasn’t that bad”??
So far, due to the above attitude to family violence, I have been called a “Man Hater”, a liar, a troublemaker, and been questioned as to why I just can’t get along and be in the same company with the person that abused me.
I don’t do any type of social media, and have become a virtual hermit, so all these comments have been made directly to me, by people that I have always considered friends.
Life has continued wonderfully well for the perpetrator without any consequences.
The tragic thing about all this is, and I hate to point out the bleeding obvious, we are staring down the barrel of the year 2020 and society’s attitudes to family violence are still in the dark ages.
One statistic states that one woman dies as a result of family violence IN AUSTRALIA EVERY WEEK. Nearly 100 per cent of the time friends and neighbours of the perpetrator will say things like “He was such a quiet, nice person” or “We never suspected anything like this in our town”.
But I guarantee you that in every case there was family violence behind closed doors that no-one necessarily knew about or it was ignored “cos it wasn’t that bad”.
How can I tell women to leave with their heads held high ... only to be ridiculed by their community
I am really sad because when I finally found the courage to leave a dangerous marriage I desperately wanted to assure other people that if I could do it they could do it too.
How can I tell people to leave with their heads held high when they could end up cowering in fear again? No longer because of the violence in their home but now from the ridicule of their community.
I now implore EVERYONE to DO BETTER. If you know someone you think is being abused STAND UP FOR THEM. If you see or hear something DO SOMETHING. If someone needs your help, REACH OUT YOUR HAND. If you are in a dangerous or unhappy relationship GET OUT.
Most importantly DON’T VICTIMISE THE VICTIM. Let’s make 2019 a happier year for family violence sufferers and be ready to be amazing human beings by 2020.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
