ELLE Irvine, a Dorrigo girl and photographer, is among a handful of winners in the ABC Heywire Youth awards.
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It means a trip to Canberra next month where she will tell her story and hopefully educate people about the needs of rural youths.
On top of that she has created a book, Immeasurable, which documents the psychological experience of living with an eating disorder.
Elle describes growing up, on a patch of land in Dorrigo, as amazing.
“I was the youngest of four, born six years after my sister, and the age gap meant I had a lot of freedom as a child,” she told the Courier-Sun. “I was a tomboy and spent my days scampering up trees, collecting bugs and rescuing animals.”
But there was also a dark side to these apparently red balloon days in the country.
Elle began exhibiting signs of an eating disorder at age 11, taking note of fat and kilojoule figures.
Then came a horrific incident at age 13 that sent her on a spiral of self-harm.
“One night I ran away and was walking along a road near our property. A man pulled me into his car and violently raped me, then left me beside the road,” she said. “I spent every waking moment suppressing my memories of that night, but found it extremely difficult to cope. I began to limit my food intake, exercise more, anything that would occupy my mind, so I didn't have to think about what happened.”
Elle became anxious, would over-eat and subsequently used purging to ‘fix’ the problem of gluttony.
“I craved an empty, quiet space because my mind was screaming at me for ‘allowing’ the rape to happen,” she said. “Being malnourished forces your brain to slow down, and this is what I liked, I needed peace and quiet. Sometimes, when that was not enough, I resorted to self-harm to further distract myself.”
When Elle was 15, an “absolute saint from the community” took her to a doctor and it was then she was diagnosed as both anorexic and bulimic.
She began seeing the local dietitian and psychologist, one of whom, Yvette Greenhalgh, she still sees to this day.
At her lowest ebb, Elle attempted suicide.
“I firmly believed that my friends and family needed to be relieved of the burden of a sick loved one. I thought they would be better off,” she said.
The caring and persistence of Melissa Hogan, an art teacher at Dorrigo High School, saw Elle transfer to Coffs Hospital and treated for the overdose.
From there, her parents made the decision to transfer Elle to a specialist eating disorders treatment program in Sydney, where after three months, she reached a healthy weight.
“I kept things together for several years, but in the last three years have become extremely unwell again, in and out of hospitals over 20 times for treatment of chronic anorexia nervosa, post-traumatic stress disorder and depression,” she said.
“I have been hospitalised for cardiac problems, infections and general treatment of malnutrition, as well as for severe self harm.”
Despite all this, Elle has managed to graduate from a Bachelor of Photography degree in Brisbane.
Her love of photography has roots in Dorrigo where she found the lush landscape striking. Recording this natural beauty gave her “the ability to capture things that other people didn't notice or overlooked”, she said.
She now uses photography to shed light on mental illness.
“There is so little information out there for families and friends of eating disorders, and my dream is to be able to create awareness so that people will no longer stigmatise or make assumptions,” she said.
Elle hopes the publicity surrounding the Heywire competition will assist her to publish her book, which looks health and happiness rather than weight or body shape.
“The people in my book are all strong, beautiful, courageous individuals who have agreed to tell their story in order to help others,” she said.
“I sincerely hope I can get the information out there, to help people like the 13-year-old me, who struggled quietly because I didn't have access to the right information.”
Elle is still fighting.
“The life of an eating disorder is unpleasant and painful, but I am a stronger person now, and I hope anyone who hears my story will think about those in their life, and whether they may need help, support, or access to health services,” she says.
For further information on Elle’s Heywire Story can be seen here
For support with an eating disorder or negative body image please call 1800 ED HOPE or visit the Butterfly Foundation. If you ever need someone to talk to, remember that headspace.org.au, Lifeline (13 11 14), Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800) , Reachout (au.reachout.com) and BeyondBlue (beyondblue.org.au) are all good places to start.